FINDinaBOX: A Review

Film stocks, black and white versus color negative film, metering, pushing/pulling film, scanning film, film formats, 35mm, 120mm… Shooting film can feel complicated and overwhelming. But it’s worth it because there is a certain tangible magic to it that you still can’t quite get with digital photography.

I was SO close to quitting film shooting last year (totally absurd, I know) until FINDinaBOX came along at the EXACT time I needed it most. It helped me stop screwing up roll after roll and making ‘sizable donations to my lab,’ as Jonathan Canlas so eloquently puts it. I mean, I used to be terrified of using a handheld lightmeter (which sounds ridiculous)… And now that I’ve worked through the mystery of even that one little aspect of film photography, that’s just one of the many ways my shooting has improved tenfold.

Film Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Jon, our fearless leader of FiaB (and founder of FILM IS NOT DEAD), also helped me find where my passion projects are in my heart and helped get me started on a series that’s so personal and perfect for me. Plus, the feedback on all of the new work I produce, as on others’ work in our group, has helped me become such better photographer in such a short amount of time! I can’t wait to see the growth that lies ahead when I’ve already come so far in just one year. The community that has emerged from our common passion, is worth its weight in gold, too. Seriously.


The (optional) assignment every month keeps me motivated, as well as constantly challenges me to learn new ways to approach shooting film. And while this workshop is focused on film shooting, Jonathan has also gone above and beyond helping those with businesses improve that aspect, too! That was definitely an unexpected bonus. And even with alllll he constantly gives, it’s still not redundant with the other guides he has published. Each piece of gold he develops (pun intended?) brings new information and opportunities to improve your shooting (and business!).

With FiaB, whether you’re just starting out and need all of the basics you could imagine, or you’ve been shooting film for a long while and need some advanced tips and tricks plus a mentor who makes himself constantly available to you for questions and guidance, I promise this is the workshop for you. Invest in it just once, and it forever keeps giving. And since I have three kids to time and funds for going to workshops is limited, this is just what I needed. It’s a better bang for my buck anyway when it comes to workshops, AND I can do it right from home. It’s nice to know I can still invest in something that I can work on at my own pace, around my life and my family’s schedule.

FINDinaBOX is constantly helping me improve my film shooting AND my business, and is keeping my creativity alive when I hit those inevitable rough patches. I am forever grateful for Jonathan and what he has created for us.

Use code FIND for $600 off until April1st!

Film Photo by Lea Ciceraro -
*The links to FiaB in this post are my own personal affiliate links.

Welcoming Roxy: 8.8.16

The two nights before Roxy was born, I had uncomfortable and inconsistent contractions all night long. By the time Monday morning, August 8th, rolled around, I was sure Roxy had settled in for a few more days even though just hours earlier I was convinced we would be at the hospital ready to welcome her at any moment.

I remembered a photo my mom had taken in a bubble bath with me in her belly the morning she went into labor, so I wanted a similar one. Jose took this for me the night before Roxy was born.

These were both taken by Jose, one after the other. Both with my Pentax 645nii – the first is Kodak Portra 400 and the second is Ilford HP5.

Photo by Jose Ciceraro -

Our boys took a bath soon after, and I wanted one last photo of them as just a pair of siblings before their sister arrived and made them a trio.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

I drove Max to speech and occupational therapy that next morning, and the car ride increased the number and intensity of my contractions (as it usually does anyway), but I still mostly brushed them off. I used one of the giant exercise balls in the OT gym to sit on and ease my discomfort, at which point I decided I should probably call my midwife and get her opinion. They agreed I should come in for an exam to see if I was in early labor.

Jose left work and picked up Max from therapy while I drove over there, and met me at the office where my dad then drove our car home and my mom drove our kiddos home (so much to coordinate when this is your third baby!).

After an hour waiting to be seen at the midwife’s office, my contractions got more intense and closer together. Jose was timing them and his app hilariously finally said “you need to go to the hospital right away!” 😉 At which point we left the office without ever being seen for the exam.

Luckily, all of my bags were already in Jose’s car, and I had my parents bring my packed camera bag because I knew I wanted to photograph our experience as long as I could (using film!) while I was in labor. I may or may not have been inspired by meeting Sally Mann earlier in the summer. 😉 Documenting this process was an awesome distraction to have in between contractions and really helped take my mind off the pain. In case you’re curious, I also felt compelled to listen to Weezer while laboring in the car — specifically the song “Thank God for Girls.” 😉 The first shots below are from right after we left the midwife’s office. I had to labor from the backseat because both of our cars have recalls on the passenger side airbag that I didn’t want to chance.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

We settled into our room around 12:30pm.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

I loaded film and did some metering between contractions so I could hand the camera off to Jose from time to time. Of course he had to capture my love for all the ice I could get my hands on. 🙂

Photo by Jose Ciceraro -

Our incredible midwife, Cara, monitored me for about three hours before they decided to admit me, just to be sure things were progressing.

Photo by Jose Ciceraro -

Photo by Jose Ciceraro -

I felt great between contractions and my amazing husband helped keep the mood light, as he always does. It really helped ease the pain quite a bit. And that lovely shower behind us in the photo below? Also one of my favorite pain relievers. That hot, running water felt so good on my low back during contractions.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Jose found a decently comfy spot to relax in between my contractions as well. 🙂 My favorite place to work through them was on top of an exercise ball while holding onto Jose as he kneeled down in front of me. This man is by far the most amazing partner I could ever ask for, and laboring with him by my side was an absolute pleasure. Our whole labor was so quiet and intimate, with just him and I holding each other and working through every contraction that brought us one step closer to our baby girl.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

By the time I got to about 6cm, I decided I wanted an epidural. My first birth experience involved a long labor that ended in a c-section. For my second birth I went all-natural in an effort to reduce as many interventions as possible that could increase my chances for a repeat c-section — and I got the all-natural VBAC that I worked so hard for! This time around I gave myself permission to get an epidural if I wanted one, and after a while, it was obvious to me that I could keep going all-natural if I wanted to, but I was ready for pain relief so I could continue to fully enjoy the experience and hopefully have a less intense birth.

And I’m so glad that is what I opted for. I was able to relax and take short naps. And soon after I got the relief, my water broke and I felt the heavy pressure and need to push.

For some reason the epidural took much better on my right side than my left, but I was grateful because it left me just enough sensation to know how and when to push. I also knew based on my last experience that I needed to breathe into my contractions and push more gently, to help me have a not-so-difficult recovery after. And that’s exactly what I got thanks to Jose’s coaching, our incredible midwife, and the epidural that brought me just the right amount of relief.

Cara eased me through every push and every contraction. Jose held my hand and helped me find just the right amount of strength I needed to make it through to the end. And before I knew it, Roxy was on her way out and I pulled her up onto my chest in the most gentle and peaceful entrance into the world. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better experience. Jose captured our first photo together below (not film on this one — I stopped photographing with my film camera after I got my epidural and wanted to focus my energy on resting and then pushing).

Photo by Jose Ciceraro -

I captured the below photos in our recovery room the next morning.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

The honesty of the next photo was really important to me, too. Just me and my girl after our first night together. Un-showered, same robe I labored in, belly still swollen, attached to an IV for extra fluids, film camera in hand, tired as can be, more in love than ever.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Jose brought the boys up to meet her that day, too, and it was the sweetest moment ever.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

And then, we brought her home.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Jose Ciceraro -

The next day, we took her to her first doctor appointment.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

And every day since, we have continued to immensely love on her as we always will forever and ever and ever.

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -

Photo by Lea Ciceraro -


What is Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) + Why Should You Care?

[A majority of this is pulled from my original article two years ago, for our first Apraxia Awareness Day. But I wanted to freshen it up with new thoughts, resources, and photos since we’ve been on this journey for 2.5 years now!]

Imagine you are a child, sleeping in your bed safe and sound, and you suddenly wake up screaming and crying — perhaps from a nightmare, or maybe something else that frightened you like a strange shadow on the wall. Your parents run to you to comfort you, but you have absolutely no way of telling them why you are upset or how they can help. So you just sob and embrace your mom and/or dad until you just get used to the sadness or it goes away.

Or picture yourself, as a parent or caregiver, and your worst fear comes true — your child disappears from your home and is lost outside, or they leave your sight for even the briefest moment when you are out somewhere together. They’re gone. You panic. A LOT. Because you know they can’t say their own name or tell someone where they live or who their parents are.

Just for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of a parent who has been spending the first few years of their child’s life undergoing what feels like one big “game” of charades. Only it’s you trying to understand what your child needs or wants or when they’re hungry or tired. But they can’t tell you, so you have to become the expert in anticipating their reactions to certain situations… an expert in their nonverbal communication… an expert in “translating” their pointing or muddled words to others who don’t understand them.

Or imagine being a new parent and watching your child’s milestones fall farther and farther behind their peers. Late crawling, sitting, walking. No babbling or cooing. Other parents at the park look at you and say, “Oh, he’s not walking yet??” Or, “So how many words does he have now?” Or the clerk at the grocery store looks at your child and says, “How old are you?” or “What’s your name?” and all your kiddo can do is stare back at them. Not out of rudeness, but just lack of ability to speak, even though they want to. Sooo desperately want to. You try not to panic, constantly wondering what’s “wrong.” Can you imagine the frustration these children must feel on a daily basis? Try to put yourself in their shoes.

What about traditions like taking your kiddo to see Santa to tell him what he wants for Christmas? Or saying “trick-or-treat” on Halloween? Much more complicated, and sometimes not even an option, for kids with apraxia.

This is what it’s like to live with Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS). Our son Maximilian was diagnosed with severe apraxia 2-weeks after his fourth birthday, along with dyspraxia and a sensory processing disorder, for which he receives occupational therapy in addition to speech therapy 3x per week. | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina

Even though I have been sharing information and stories about our journey for the last 2+ years, I still often find that many people do not completely understand what apraxia is. So here is my best attempt at an easy-to-understand explanation. Most of this information came from the MayoClinic website.

Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS) is:

– a rare speech disorder, but is not delayed speech or a developmental delay
– when a child has trouble making accurate mouth movements to speak
– a neurological condition that typically has no underlying cause that can be found with tests, scans, or other procedures
– an issue of health and normal physiological function
– a medical condition consistent with the definition of disease and illness
– easy to misdiagnose, as it shares some characteristics with other speech disorders and even autism; however, a child with apraxia may or may not also have autism, and a child with autism may or may not also have apraxia

Essentially, a person’s brain has to learn how to tell their speech muscles to move their lips/jaw/tongue in ways that results in accurate sounds and words. You’ll find this challenge frequently in stroke victims undergoing therapy services. But a child with apraxia is often simply born with it, and often does not have any underlying cause like trauma (which is why insurance companies tend to not cover services). The brain of a child with CAS has difficulty planning speech movements, thus resulting in little to no speech, or incorrect/inconsistent sounding speech.

Some children with CAS never speak, and some are never able to speak intelligibly. However, many do find great success with years of frequent, intensive speech therapy. | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina, USA

Max in a rad shirt by

While some symptoms might appear earlier than others, CAS typically is not usually diagnosed until 3 or 4 years of age. Here are a few symptoms. Some of these appear in children with CAS, some do not, which again can make it difficult to properly diagnose:

– little to no babbling or cooing as an infant
– difficulty breastfeeding
– delayed onset of words
– limited number of spoken words
– frequently leaving out sounds when speaking
– learning to say a new word and then “losing” it later
– vowel and consonant distortions
– separation of syllables in or between words
– voicing errors (i.e., “pie” might sound like “bye”)
– sometimes language problems such as difficulty comprehending speech, reduced vocabulary, or difficulty with word order

In short, for a child with apraxia, their brain struggles to send the proper signals to the muscles of their mouth to produce intelligible speech.

Here is what Childhood Apraxia of Speech is NOT:

– It is not a developmental delay that a child will simply “grow out of.”
– It does not mean the child is less intelligent than a neurotypical child.
– It does not give anyone the right to bully or demean a child because of their struggles to communicate verbally.
– It is not a disorder that should be ignored just because you do not understand it.
– It is not a condition in which medical services should be repeatedly denied by insurance companies because it is uncommon and does not fit into very narrow policy language.
– It does not mean this child’s hopes and dreams and ambitions are any less important than that of neurotypical child’s.
– It does not mean they should be left out of activities and celebrations and opportunities that any other child would enjoy as a part of their childhood. | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina

I, for one, had never even heard of apraxia until 2013 when Max was diagnosed. But these kids have grit. These families have grit because of everything they endure and learn from their amazing children. These challenges are our everyday. Our 24/7/365. It’s choosing paying for speech therapy out-of-pocket instead of taking family vacations. Or buying alternative communication (AAC) devices over regular toys. It means not ever being able to leave the challenges behind at the end of the day.

Max is now 6.5 years old, and is starting to speak in sentences and phrases, which is so exciting! We are beyond grateful for his therapists and their love for him. Max is amazing. He teaches us new things daily. He has a passion for learning about the earth, the ocean, outer space, and more. He enjoys trips to the local planetarium and Museum of Life and Science. He has so much love for his younger brother (and baby sister on the way!). He is endearing. He wins the hearts of everyone he meets. He constantly makes us laugh. And he’ll school even avid gamers in a number of Nintendo games. | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina

So why should you care about CAS and participate in spreading the word about Apraxia Awareness Day?

– One or more children you know may be affected by CAS, so it’s important to understand the signs and early symptoms
– Because CAS is rare, it is understudied and needs more recognition by the general public
– More awareness will help doctors suspect CAS sooner, thus leading to earlier intervention, rather than telling parents and caregivers to wait it out as a possible developmental delay
– It’s important to know that these children will simply not grow out of this diagnosis. The cause of apraxia is mostly unknown (sometimes it’s genetic or due to trauma in the womb or during birth, etc.), and you usually can’t see any evidence of it on an MRI
– By better understanding apraxia, you can teach other kids about some new, beautiful differences that may exist between them and help stop bullying
– Children with apraxia sometimes never speak, or never speak intelligibly, and you need to know how to support them and communicate with them (through their AAC device, sign language, etc.)
– Because the families of children affected by CAS need a wide range of support, especially emotional and often financial (e.g., even keeping an ear out for grants they can apply for is helpful)
– If CAS is not properly evaluated and diagnosed by a Speech Language Pathologist who specializes in apraxia, adequate and appropriate therapy may not be provided and little or no progress may be made
– More awareness might also encourage more Speech Language Pathologists to study more about, or specialize in, apraxia
– So more grants may be created and offered to families in need of financial assistance for speech therapy
– While the act of learning to speak comes fairly effortlessly to most children, those with apraxia endure an incredibly lengthy struggle that needs a better understanding from others
– Without appropriate intervention and therapy services, children with CAS are at risk for secondary impacts in literacy and other school-related skills
– Because apraxia is so unrecognized and misunderstood, most insurance companies do not cover speech therapy services (as per our own policy wording, if Max had autism or if he lost these abilities due to a trauma/accident, then he would be covered — but because it is considered “habilitative” for him rather than rehabilitative, we receive zero assistance from our insurance company)
– A lot of families (us included) turn to private speech therapy for help, despite the costs, because many schools do not understand the importance of intensive, frequent, one-on-one speech therapy for apraxic kids; and some schools do not want children to receive private therapy services because “it will take away too much from their time spent in school,” yet they still will resist providing adequate in-school services (*Our amazing therapy clinic is Emerge – A Child’s Place in Durham, NC)
– It is important to provide adequate speech therapy and other services so that the impact of the disorder can be minimized
– Because our son was diagnosed 2.5 years ago with apraxia, and he could use everyone on his team that he can get
– And, because every child deserves a voice. | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina

Max and his SLP, Kelly Jones from Emerge – A Child’s Place

By donating and spreading awareness, you are helping to provide (from

– Critical information so that families of newly diagnosed children know how to help their children and feel less alone in the process
– Education so that professionals have the best tools available and children receive the best possible treatment
– Day-to-day support for parents of apraxic children and the professionals helping them
– Research to uncover the best and quickest ways to help children with apraxia develop speech

So, please, please, please, take some time this Saturday, May 14th, 2016 for Apraxia Awareness Day, to learn a little bit about Childhood Apraxia of Speech, and do a little something to help educate others and show support for children with CAS, like our son Max.

The resilience of these children working incredibly hard to learn how to do something that comes naturally to so many others is amazing. But you have to give them the opportunity to do so. Try not to kick yourself if you waited until ‘x’ age to have them evaluated or to start therapy. The important thing is that you reached a point where you felt it was time to take action and get help. Trust me, I know the feelings of guilt that these parents battle with. It’s only because we all care and want the absolute best for our children! Max has several more years of therapy ahead of him, but given how far he has come in just 2.5 years, I can only imagine the progress he’s going to make over the next several years! | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina

Max in his “Be Brave” hoodie by



I want to quickly talk about a few resources that help apraxic kiddos and their families, too! Some books that Max has loved in the past to use with his speech therapist are wordless books! Yup, you read that right. They are awesome because they actually encourage kiddos to make up their own stores, use sentence structure, etc! One of Max’s favorites is Chalk. Another is Fossil (he really loves dinosaurs!). There are actually a ton of these types of books on Amazon that we have yet to explore, but are looking forward to it! Kaufman Cards are also popular amongst the apraxia community, but we have not used them at home yet.
You can also support CASANA by choosing their organization through anytime you shop!

I’m also grateful for books like Anything But Silent that help provide a unique view on apraxia. It is especially helpful for therapists and family members to read, as it gives a great understanding of what it’s like to live with apraxia.

Other helpful items for apraxia families: Child ID Bracelet (since our children may have a hard time saying their name or where they live), hemp seed oil or fish oil to help promote healthy brain development, Sesame Street and Signing Time have been a huge help and encouragement for Max, and the iPad Mini has also been wonderful as an Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) device (and there are a ton of great apps that help promote speech and language development).


*None of the information in this post is meant to be used as medical advice, as I am not a medical professional. Everything I have written is merely based on our own personal experiences.* | Lea Ciceraro | North Carolina

Max with his OT and SLP, plus two additional therapists from Emerge, at last year’s Walk for Apraxia (2015 in NC)


**I have created an email address to use for collecting therapy donations for Max at: avoiceformax(at) via PayPal, because so many people have expressed interest in helping our sweet kiddo!**

Embracing Your Roots While Developing Your Passion

Embracing Your Roots While Developing Your Passion - by Lea Ciceraro -

My Start with Photography

Childhood memories are fuzzy at best. But the really important moments leave an impression, even if the facts are a little skewed. What happens during your youth can forever shape your story and the person you become. One of my earliest, favorite memories was during a summer visit to my extended family in Southern California. It was the early 90’s, so I must have been 7 or 8 years old. I was staying at my Djedo’s (Serbian for grandpa) house, with its perfect orange trees perched out front that we always picked from to make fresh juice in the morning. I’ll never forget the sweet smell and taste.

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Too uninspired to click the shutter? Here are some excellent pieces of advice straight from other artists (and some great eye candy along the way!)!

Yesterday I had one of those rare mama-solo-outing opportunities… you know, sans kids — nobody throwing shoes at you while you drive, or asking for food every 3.7 minutes, or insisting on turning up Starfox to 11 on his Nintendo DS from the seat behind you to drown out The Lumineers that you so carefully chose to play to suit your mood for the day. Hubby was home and refreshed from a weekend away at HeroesCon, so he sent me on my way for a break and to recharge my batteries! Wahooooo! So, naturally I grabbed my Nikkormat, my F100, and a few rolls of film and was completely determined to shoot ALL of it.

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Joshua Tree on Black and White Film: Desert Adventures and a Luz Studios / Leah MacDonald / Encaustic Photography Workshop!

In March, I had the pleasure of attending a Luz Studios Desert Revival Workshop, hosted by two stellar artists/photographers who joined forces with the always amazing Leah MacDonald, to teach us the art of encaustics + photography in the form of a crazy inspiring retreat in the desert! I don’t know the last time I felt so alive and fulfilled and inspired, totally in my element doing the things that make me oh-so-happy. This post is a collection of my favorite black & white film images from the trip, either shot on my Rolleicord (if it’s square format) or my 35mm Nikkormat (thank you Photovision for the awesome developing and scanning!). My friend and colleague Rachel even took it upon herself to setup a desert sunrise maternity shoot, one of the images from which you’ll see below. She also took some incredible images of me throughout the trip that I’ll share soon! And I’ll upload my color film shots in a later post (my computer died recently and is holding my work hostage for the time being!)!

Oh, and did I mention that in August I’m hopping on a plane across the entire country to Canada to do a part II to this amazing workshop with the same group of incredible artists and instructors!? Ahhhh SO giddy! You still have a few days to snag your seat at the early bird pricing (which is in Canadian dollars, by the way, so cheaper for us U.S. folks!!). It’ll be so worth it. I promise! Join me for an amazing few days in the Canadian PNW!

Lea Ciceraro - Love Me Simply Photography -


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